How I Wish I Were a Nun

In the thralls of despair I wonder what it would be like if I became a nun. I'm criminally pathetic when it comes to dealing with boys-- I have no male friends, I don't know how to flirt, and I've been told that my academic competency and wide-leg jeans make me unattractive-- so I've considered a lifetime of spinsterhood more than once before.

I've actually googled it, and frankly, it doesn't sound so bad. You get to live with a group of like-minded women in a house, pray, fast, do stuff for charity, and maybe teach in a school. Sounds fine. Apparently convents right now are desperate for recruits since the average age of a nun is around 73 when it used to be twenty-something forty years back. That surprises me a bit because there are so many older women whose children are grown up and who are divorced and past their prime, or girls out of high school who are okay, but not cut out for school or a career, all who would seem perfect candidates for sisterhood, but instead they get into bad relationships or mope about how their life is over.

But, hey, I"m still 16 so there's plenty of time to potentially find someone, and I'm an only child so my agnostic mother would have a heart attack or commit suicide if I told her about any of this, and I'm not Catholic, although I've tried to be, so yeah...

Miscommunication

My mother has a habit of saying things half way. Sometimes she stops talking mid-sentence, or talks vaguely and expects me to know exactly what she's talking about. When she says something like, "Meet me by the piano," I wonder whether she mean the piano in the hospital lobby, the piano in the hospital cafeteria or the piano studio three blocks away?

Just today when we were in the kitchen, preparing to have some guests over for dinner, she told me to "Go clean that up." I went ahead to organize a stack of papers on the counter, when she groaned in frustration and proclaimed that that I can't do anything right. "The dishes,"she said, motioning to the sink, "Dry the dishes. You need to have everything specific, don't you?"

Yes, yes I do need some details. "You always speak in pronouns," I replied, "Well, pronouns are supposed to have an antecedent but you never say the antecedent." I'm studying for the ACT test and my mother happens to be a professional English language-knower.

"But you can guess, can't you?"

"I can, and I get it right 80% of the time, but you emphasize all the times I get it wrong."

She seemed to find this humorous, "You know, it would be nice if you had telepathy. Then you would know everything that I want you to do."

"It doesn't work that way."

It's Been So Long!

Well... what has been going on during my blogging-absence?



My mother bought a new home! It's a two-bedroom townhome that's in really good condition with hardwood floors, an electric stove, and a two-car garage. We are very pleased with it. Moving was a pain though. A very large pain. You never realize how much stuff you have until you have to put it all in cardboard boxes and load it onto a truck. My mom said that if you truly wish to inflict pain on someone you should pray for them to have to move and to do it all by themselves.

On a happier note, for Christmas (which my family celebrates although I do not personally identify myself as Christian, anyway the holiday has become pretty secular) I got the book The Secret along with The Secret Gratitude Book, which are not as bad as I imagined. I originally thought The Secret to be another self-help scam originated by a business-savy creative writer, but this one actually had some good tips on thinking positively and confidently in order to achieve success in all aspects of life. I'll admit there is still a bit of the whole cheesy "this is an ancient solution kept secret for thousands of years... UNTIL NOW"-type thing, but overall I would reccomend it. I especially like the Secret Gratitude Book because it is basically a journal where you write all the things you're grateful for on one side of the page, and on the other side you write down some things you would be grateful for if/when they happen ("Gratitude Intentions"). Also, before writing a suggestion in the the journal is to repeat "Thank you" twenty times in your head before beginning to write and twenty times after, just to let the feeling of gratitude sink in. I think this is a really good idea to do every night in order to learn how to appreciate all the things you have.

I've had a wonderful two-week vacation from school and I hope everyone else is enjoying the holidays too. Blessings!

All the Things to Be Thankful For

The new house I live in...

My mother...

My education...

My piano...

My cello...

My mind...

Winter snow...

My beautiful hair...

My friends...

Atlas Shrugged Review

Atlas Shrugged left me with mixed feelings.




First off: if you are someone who values realistic characters and a superior grasp of language, then this is not a book for you. Not that her language is bad, it's that this book is more about her philosophy than plot.

The thing that stood out to me the most was that it sort of plays "devil's advocate" against the whole "equal opportunity" and "feed the poor" argument. It really challenged my beliefs on the morality of taking from the rich who have more than enough, and giving to the poor who have barely enough to survive. Basically, my interpretation of what Rand says in this book is that rich, successful people have earned their wealth have the burden of being ostracized because of their ability and their mind. Less-well-off people don't have the mental and physical capabilities of being leaders and entrepreneurs and therefore need the rich, successful people to manage them. When rich, successful people remain rich and successful, they can use their abilities to create job opportunities, better pay, and motivate less-well-off people. I know that most people reading this will probably think something along the lines of "That's not true! Just because someone is rich doesn't mean they are better than everybody else!" And I agree. But Ayn Rand presents the argument in such a way so that at times you can't help but think, "Yeah, I can see why he would be upset that the government is controlling his profit." That's partially where the mixed feelings come from.

Luckily, there's an actual plot to this book where Ayn Rand lays out her philosophy. The premise goes: What if all the presidents of major companies and corporations decided to go on strike?

There's Henry Rearden, a seemingly cold-harded a steel developer, Dagny Taggart, the pretty vice president of Taggart Transcontinental Railroad who runs the company better than the actual president, James Taggart, an older-looking man who prefers to stick to an unrealistic moral compass when making decisions that seem to drive the railroad to bankruptcy. Later, new socialist reforms start to cripple the companies' production, and when an economic slump comes around James, who supported the socialist government, begs Dagny and the "people of mind" to fix it. They say they can't until they are given the means to, ie, more freedom in their business. In retaliation to the socialist government stifling their business, telling them how much they are allowed to produce, by what means, and to whom they are permitted to sell their products, all the company owners leave and refuse to contribute to their businesses. The less-well-off people and the socialists go crazy, because now they don't know how to successfully run the businesses. Trains stop working, there is not enough electricity and raw materials being shipped out, poverty increases, and chaos in the government ensues.

In Defence of Femininity

Over the past few months, I've been examining myself and my identity as a woman. I've been looking at what I naturally value for myself, what modern culture expects from me, and what traditional values state. I'm a regular follower of the website Feelin' Feminine be it that I am not Christian or Jewish, and on the flip side I've watched videos by lacigreen and such on youtube for the opposite point of view, so I think I have a pretty good idea of both sides. I think I've got myself sorted out for the most part.

While, I'm not the most patriarchal person, because I've been given reason not to be, I do believe that men who actually do their job behaving like men and take on the responsibilities of men deserve to be recognized for their actions the same way women are emulated in the public world. I believe that if more positive messages were being given out to boys and men, telling them that being a man involves taking responsibility for women ei. not just sitting on the couch, possibly after a 9-5 workday, and demanding sex, then there would be less chaos in the private world. Reversely, I believe that women who "do too much", work a full day, take care of the kids, cook, clean, tend to their husband/boyfriend, aren't helping the situation either, because if they assume responsibility of everything, then the man isn't going to just suddenly becaume a chivalrous knight in shining armor for no reason.

I also support modesty rather than the "if you got it, flaunt it" mentality. Modesty makes me feel comfortable and secure in myself. It takes more than the right set of genitals to be a lady, and in the same way it takes more than a generous set of fabric over one's body to be modest. Modesty is more about drawing attention to oneself in a positive manner rather than a vulgar one. There is much more respect shown to a kind girl who can be percieved as beautiful without being outright sexual, rather than an outwardly confident and loud girl who makes use of nothing but her carnal appeal.

When it comes down to it, femininity is really a matter of perception. From every side of the spectrum, everyone's calling each other oppressed, overworked, undervalued, underappreciated, and asserting themselves sole as the "free" women of the world that don't face the plights that other women do. The best thing is to just evaluate the options, go with the most reasonable one, and ignore the backlash of different societies calling you crazy.

For the Love of Studying

I am a student and I can not stress enough on how much I love studying. The excitement of obtaining new information and solving problems brings great enjoyment into my life. There is so much class, so much wisdom and truth in knowledge, the thirst for it is insatiable.

But here is the clinch, I love studying, but I cannot say the same for school. In school my goal is not to learn and absorbe information, but to get enough points so that when the end of the quarter or semester comes around I have a black letter A for most of my classes and a GPA of at least 3.8 . That is the problem with school. The incentive is not to aquire information and skill, but to prove that you know. In this way I've made it through most of my math classes with an A or a B but I still can not do addition or subtraction confidently without a calculator. Yet, by looking at my record I can say that I am good at math. Great, isn't it?

I've wished so badly, ever since middle school that I could be homeschooled. I could go at my own pace for mathematics, have actual time to learn and memorize the processes and breeze through English and history class. It would be so much more effective and I think I would be better off, but my parents believe that doing that would make me more antisocial than I already am. I don't completely agree, but I can't change anything about it. When I grow up if I have children, I don't think I would have them go to public school for the entire K-12.