Over the past few months, I've been examining myself and my identity as a woman. I've been looking at what I naturally value for myself, what modern culture expects from me, and what traditional values state. I'm a regular follower of the website Feelin' Feminine be it that I am not Christian or Jewish, and on the flip side I've watched videos by lacigreen and such on youtube for the opposite point of view, so I think I have a pretty good idea of both sides. I think I've got myself sorted out for the most part.
While, I'm not the most patriarchal person, because I've been given reason not to be, I do believe that men who actually do their job behaving like men and take on the responsibilities of men deserve to be recognized for their actions the same way women are emulated in the public world. I believe that if more positive messages were being given out to boys and men, telling them that being a man involves taking responsibility for women ei. not just sitting on the couch, possibly after a 9-5 workday, and demanding sex, then there would be less chaos in the private world. Reversely, I believe that women who "do too much", work a full day, take care of the kids, cook, clean, tend to their husband/boyfriend, aren't helping the situation either, because if they assume responsibility of everything, then the man isn't going to just suddenly becaume a chivalrous knight in shining armor for no reason.
I also support modesty rather than the "if you got it, flaunt it" mentality. Modesty makes me feel comfortable and secure in myself. It takes more than the right set of genitals to be a lady, and in the same way it takes more than a generous set of fabric over one's body to be modest. Modesty is more about drawing attention to oneself in a positive manner rather than a vulgar one. There is much more respect shown to a kind girl who can be percieved as beautiful without being outright sexual, rather than an outwardly confident and loud girl who makes use of nothing but her carnal appeal.
When it comes down to it, femininity is really a matter of perception. From every side of the spectrum, everyone's calling each other oppressed, overworked, undervalued, underappreciated, and asserting themselves sole as the "free" women of the world that don't face the plights that other women do. The best thing is to just evaluate the options, go with the most reasonable one, and ignore the backlash of different societies calling you crazy.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
For the Love of Studying
I am a student and I can not stress enough on how much I love studying. The excitement of obtaining new information and solving problems brings great enjoyment into my life. There is so much class, so much wisdom and truth in knowledge, the thirst for it is insatiable.
But here is the clinch, I love studying, but I cannot say the same for school. In school my goal is not to learn and absorbe information, but to get enough points so that when the end of the quarter or semester comes around I have a black letter A for most of my classes and a GPA of at least 3.8 . That is the problem with school. The incentive is not to aquire information and skill, but to prove that you know. In this way I've made it through most of my math classes with an A or a B but I still can not do addition or subtraction confidently without a calculator. Yet, by looking at my record I can say that I am good at math. Great, isn't it?
I've wished so badly, ever since middle school that I could be homeschooled. I could go at my own pace for mathematics, have actual time to learn and memorize the processes and breeze through English and history class. It would be so much more effective and I think I would be better off, but my parents believe that doing that would make me more antisocial than I already am. I don't completely agree, but I can't change anything about it. When I grow up if I have children, I don't think I would have them go to public school for the entire K-12.
But here is the clinch, I love studying, but I cannot say the same for school. In school my goal is not to learn and absorbe information, but to get enough points so that when the end of the quarter or semester comes around I have a black letter A for most of my classes and a GPA of at least 3.8 . That is the problem with school. The incentive is not to aquire information and skill, but to prove that you know. In this way I've made it through most of my math classes with an A or a B but I still can not do addition or subtraction confidently without a calculator. Yet, by looking at my record I can say that I am good at math. Great, isn't it?
I've wished so badly, ever since middle school that I could be homeschooled. I could go at my own pace for mathematics, have actual time to learn and memorize the processes and breeze through English and history class. It would be so much more effective and I think I would be better off, but my parents believe that doing that would make me more antisocial than I already am. I don't completely agree, but I can't change anything about it. When I grow up if I have children, I don't think I would have them go to public school for the entire K-12.
Friday, September 24, 2010
What I Want From Life
I know I'm a hard-core romantic. It's very sad.
I want a fairy-tale life, even though I know that will never happen. I know that I will most likely grow up, and have a 9-5 job in a medical field that will give me a stable income to live by.
What I want is a life on homestead-farm, wearing dresses while picking apples apples and planting tomatoes, watering roses, and in the evenings retiring to read the Qu'ran or Where Angels Fear to Tread. I would have a lovely, fit, husband with a well paying job, that loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life raising a family with me. Not to mention, he helps with household chores.
That's very unlikely, I realize that. I'm crazy and if I don't sober-up soon, I'm very likely not going to have anything in life. Reality is not a Jane Austen novel, no matter how much one tries to make it.
My parents are getting divorced. My dad is staying here on the weekends, until he gets stationed in his new, better paying job, and my mom has bought a townhouse for her, I, and, hopefully by this summer, my grandmother to live in. The relationship broke years ago. I will survive it, perhaps forget it in ten years time, my mother and grandmother will survive it, I'm not so sure about my dad, but he will have to live through it too.
That's reality.
I want a fairy-tale life, even though I know that will never happen. I know that I will most likely grow up, and have a 9-5 job in a medical field that will give me a stable income to live by.
What I want is a life on homestead-farm, wearing dresses while picking apples apples and planting tomatoes, watering roses, and in the evenings retiring to read the Qu'ran or Where Angels Fear to Tread. I would have a lovely, fit, husband with a well paying job, that loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life raising a family with me. Not to mention, he helps with household chores.
That's very unlikely, I realize that. I'm crazy and if I don't sober-up soon, I'm very likely not going to have anything in life. Reality is not a Jane Austen novel, no matter how much one tries to make it.
My parents are getting divorced. My dad is staying here on the weekends, until he gets stationed in his new, better paying job, and my mom has bought a townhouse for her, I, and, hopefully by this summer, my grandmother to live in. The relationship broke years ago. I will survive it, perhaps forget it in ten years time, my mother and grandmother will survive it, I'm not so sure about my dad, but he will have to live through it too.
That's reality.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Tess of the D'Ubervilles by Thomas Hardy
Forget Jane Austen's Elizabeth, Tess Durbeyfield is a proper herione, granted a tragic one.
This review is basically a summary of the book, and includes spoilers and mild sarcasm, just to let you know. What I liked about Tess is that she was very active and made decisions, even though her decisions were often not the best ones. Also, the only two men she got to know were scum.
Review starts here:
I loved this book. First thing, Thomas Hardy knows how to write. If no one else in the world knows how to write Thomas Hardy does.
Tess is one heroine you can feel sorry for. She is young, innocent, pure, naive, and apparently everyone can see it. Her father hangs on to his pride above all else and is convinced that he is a D'Uberville instead of a Durbeyfield, while her mother mistakes how naive she really is while sending her to "claim kin" where she me meets Alec D'Uberville who rapes her. She has his baby that dies soon after birth.
She goes away to become a milkmaid and meets the well-off Angel Clare who falls in love with her "purity", asks her to marry him when she says that she is not right for him, and keeps asking until she says yes. When her mother hears of the marriage she warns Tess not to tell Angel about the rape and baby, but Tess has so much faith in Angel that on their wedding night she tells him everything after he reveals his darkest secret. She forgives him, he says that she is now no longer the woman he fell in love with, and abandons her for over a year.
During that time she goes back to her parents to find that they are sick. Her dad dies and they are about to be evicted from their house. Tess meets Alec again, who is now a preacher, but he abandons his faith after meeting Tess again because she has tempted him like the Whore of Babylon. He says that he regrets the suffering he caused her and offers to give Tess and her family economic help. Tess tries to refuse and hold out for her "husband" but seeing no other option accepts his help and becomes his mistress.
Angel, who was on a soul searching trip in Brazil, decides that he has a conscious and comes looking for Tess. He finds her with Alec and begs her to come back to him. She says no, and tells him to go away. Then she is so distraught that she kills Alec for making fun of her marriage with Angel, goes back to Angel and gets arrested for Alec's murder at Stonehenge. She is convicted and sentenced to death.
All in all, pretty depressing towards the end.
This review is basically a summary of the book, and includes spoilers and mild sarcasm, just to let you know. What I liked about Tess is that she was very active and made decisions, even though her decisions were often not the best ones. Also, the only two men she got to know were scum.
Review starts here:
Tess is one heroine you can feel sorry for. She is young, innocent, pure, naive, and apparently everyone can see it. Her father hangs on to his pride above all else and is convinced that he is a D'Uberville instead of a Durbeyfield, while her mother mistakes how naive she really is while sending her to "claim kin" where she me meets Alec D'Uberville who rapes her. She has his baby that dies soon after birth.
She goes away to become a milkmaid and meets the well-off Angel Clare who falls in love with her "purity", asks her to marry him when she says that she is not right for him, and keeps asking until she says yes. When her mother hears of the marriage she warns Tess not to tell Angel about the rape and baby, but Tess has so much faith in Angel that on their wedding night she tells him everything after he reveals his darkest secret. She forgives him, he says that she is now no longer the woman he fell in love with, and abandons her for over a year.
During that time she goes back to her parents to find that they are sick. Her dad dies and they are about to be evicted from their house. Tess meets Alec again, who is now a preacher, but he abandons his faith after meeting Tess again because she has tempted him like the Whore of Babylon. He says that he regrets the suffering he caused her and offers to give Tess and her family economic help. Tess tries to refuse and hold out for her "husband" but seeing no other option accepts his help and becomes his mistress.
Angel, who was on a soul searching trip in Brazil, decides that he has a conscious and comes looking for Tess. He finds her with Alec and begs her to come back to him. She says no, and tells him to go away. Then she is so distraught that she kills Alec for making fun of her marriage with Angel, goes back to Angel and gets arrested for Alec's murder at Stonehenge. She is convicted and sentenced to death.
All in all, pretty depressing towards the end.
Monday, September 6, 2010
This Is Why I Don't Like Jane Austen
I've recently finished reading Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen and I find myself filled with the same frustration I usually am after reading a Jane Austen romance. It's all the same: pretty girl finds guy who likes her. pretty girl marries that guy. story ends.
Funny that she never goes into describing their marriage. To be fair, I've only read three of her novels, Emma, Persuasion, and now, Northanger Abbey. I've found them equally useless, although I'll admit some more respect for Persuasion since the main character had actual obstacles, flaws, and actual characterization. I don't get how some women worship her and encourage their daughters to read her books as an example of romance and "courtship". As far as I see you might wanna you know, get to know your guy for over a year before tying the knot, making sure that he knows you so you can communicate in marriage, etc.
Here's the passage that got to me:
"The advantages of a beautiful girl have been already set forth by the capital pen of a sister author;-- and to her treatment of the subject I will only add injustice to men, that though to the larger and more trifling part of the sex, imbecility in females is a great enhancement of their personal charms, there is a portion of them too reasonable and too well-informed themselves to desire any thing more in woman than ignorance. But Catherine did not know her own advantages--did not know that a good-looking girl, with an affectionate heart and a very ignorant mind, cannot fail of attracting a clever young man, unless circumstances are particularly untoward." (pg 118 on nook barnes and noble classics edition)
This makes me angry. It's more jealousy than anything else. In some points, this is true, don't most girls mourn the fact that all the good guys are dating idiotic, giggling, sluts who wear too much makeup and too little clothing? I'll confess that I have been guilty at one time or the other at trying to woo a guy by smiling and pretending I don't know anything but from what I noticed I put him off more than attracted him (good for him). Maybe that just says something on my ineptitude at flirting?
Funny that she never goes into describing their marriage. To be fair, I've only read three of her novels, Emma, Persuasion, and now, Northanger Abbey. I've found them equally useless, although I'll admit some more respect for Persuasion since the main character had actual obstacles, flaws, and actual characterization. I don't get how some women worship her and encourage their daughters to read her books as an example of romance and "courtship". As far as I see you might wanna you know, get to know your guy for over a year before tying the knot, making sure that he knows you so you can communicate in marriage, etc.
Here's the passage that got to me:
"The advantages of a beautiful girl have been already set forth by the capital pen of a sister author;-- and to her treatment of the subject I will only add injustice to men, that though to the larger and more trifling part of the sex, imbecility in females is a great enhancement of their personal charms, there is a portion of them too reasonable and too well-informed themselves to desire any thing more in woman than ignorance. But Catherine did not know her own advantages--did not know that a good-looking girl, with an affectionate heart and a very ignorant mind, cannot fail of attracting a clever young man, unless circumstances are particularly untoward." (pg 118 on nook barnes and noble classics edition)
This makes me angry. It's more jealousy than anything else. In some points, this is true, don't most girls mourn the fact that all the good guys are dating idiotic, giggling, sluts who wear too much makeup and too little clothing? I'll confess that I have been guilty at one time or the other at trying to woo a guy by smiling and pretending I don't know anything but from what I noticed I put him off more than attracted him (good for him). Maybe that just says something on my ineptitude at flirting?
Sunday, September 5, 2010
New Piano!
To be honest, this happened about a month ago, but I've been really lazy about taking the photos. Sorry!
I've been playing piano for eight years, but my family has never got around to actually buying a piano until now and it's definitely worth the wait. It's a refurbished 1970s Baldwin upright that produces the same sound as a baby grand. My piano teacher recommended a lady to us who used to own a piano store but is now retired and she had just one piano left that she couldn't manage to find a buyer for. It was in excellent condition and for a really good price, $2000 unlike the regular $7000 that we would find elsewhere. She also arranged for the piano mover and the tuner, who was a really nice guy. I'm really happy because now I can play whenever I want on a real piano without asking my mom to drive me to a friend's house or asking my teacher if I can stay a bit longer on her piano.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Goals for the Coming School Year
Well, it's almost that time of year again :-)
I'm entering my second year of high school. I have no problems with it and I'm expecting it to be more comfortable than last year First semester freshman year coming from a choice school was not fun. I did pretty well excluding geometry, an incompitent music teacher, and an astronomy teacher that I did not understand, but I regret not puting in my full effort in his class now. My primary objective this year is to get straight As and exceed in all my classes. I'm in all honors except for Phy ed (a useless waste of time if you ask me) and possibly Human Anatomy. I did pretty well last year in except for geometry where I got straight Bs.
My goals for the coming year that lead to my primary objective are to:
1. Use my time more efficiently. Do homework right after school and procrastinate on the internet and listening to music less often.
2. Be in bed around 10-11 and for certain before midnight. I hope this will help me wake up more easily and not sleep through my alarm. lol.
3. Continue helping my mother around the house as much as I have been doing over the summer.
4. Read more books and less fanfiction and manga. I really hate what fanfiction has been doing to my psyche, it's like going to a crude bar with bad food, drink, and company.
Happy school year to everyone else out in internet-land.
I'm entering my second year of high school. I have no problems with it and I'm expecting it to be more comfortable than last year First semester freshman year coming from a choice school was not fun. I did pretty well excluding geometry, an incompitent music teacher, and an astronomy teacher that I did not understand, but I regret not puting in my full effort in his class now. My primary objective this year is to get straight As and exceed in all my classes. I'm in all honors except for Phy ed (a useless waste of time if you ask me) and possibly Human Anatomy. I did pretty well last year in except for geometry where I got straight Bs.
My goals for the coming year that lead to my primary objective are to:
1. Use my time more efficiently. Do homework right after school and procrastinate on the internet and listening to music less often.
2. Be in bed around 10-11 and for certain before midnight. I hope this will help me wake up more easily and not sleep through my alarm. lol.
3. Continue helping my mother around the house as much as I have been doing over the summer.
4. Read more books and less fanfiction and manga. I really hate what fanfiction has been doing to my psyche, it's like going to a crude bar with bad food, drink, and company.
Happy school year to everyone else out in internet-land.
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