It's Been So Long!

Well... what has been going on during my blogging-absence?



My mother bought a new home! It's a two-bedroom townhome that's in really good condition with hardwood floors, an electric stove, and a two-car garage. We are very pleased with it. Moving was a pain though. A very large pain. You never realize how much stuff you have until you have to put it all in cardboard boxes and load it onto a truck. My mom said that if you truly wish to inflict pain on someone you should pray for them to have to move and to do it all by themselves.

On a happier note, for Christmas (which my family celebrates although I do not personally identify myself as Christian, anyway the holiday has become pretty secular) I got the book The Secret along with The Secret Gratitude Book, which are not as bad as I imagined. I originally thought The Secret to be another self-help scam originated by a business-savy creative writer, but this one actually had some good tips on thinking positively and confidently in order to achieve success in all aspects of life. I'll admit there is still a bit of the whole cheesy "this is an ancient solution kept secret for thousands of years... UNTIL NOW"-type thing, but overall I would reccomend it. I especially like the Secret Gratitude Book because it is basically a journal where you write all the things you're grateful for on one side of the page, and on the other side you write down some things you would be grateful for if/when they happen ("Gratitude Intentions"). Also, before writing a suggestion in the the journal is to repeat "Thank you" twenty times in your head before beginning to write and twenty times after, just to let the feeling of gratitude sink in. I think this is a really good idea to do every night in order to learn how to appreciate all the things you have.

I've had a wonderful two-week vacation from school and I hope everyone else is enjoying the holidays too. Blessings!

All the Things to Be Thankful For

The new house I live in...

My mother...

My education...

My piano...

My cello...

My mind...

Winter snow...

My beautiful hair...

My friends...

Atlas Shrugged Review

Atlas Shrugged left me with mixed feelings.




First off: if you are someone who values realistic characters and a superior grasp of language, then this is not a book for you. Not that her language is bad, it's that this book is more about her philosophy than plot.

The thing that stood out to me the most was that it sort of plays "devil's advocate" against the whole "equal opportunity" and "feed the poor" argument. It really challenged my beliefs on the morality of taking from the rich who have more than enough, and giving to the poor who have barely enough to survive. Basically, my interpretation of what Rand says in this book is that rich, successful people have earned their wealth have the burden of being ostracized because of their ability and their mind. Less-well-off people don't have the mental and physical capabilities of being leaders and entrepreneurs and therefore need the rich, successful people to manage them. When rich, successful people remain rich and successful, they can use their abilities to create job opportunities, better pay, and motivate less-well-off people. I know that most people reading this will probably think something along the lines of "That's not true! Just because someone is rich doesn't mean they are better than everybody else!" And I agree. But Ayn Rand presents the argument in such a way so that at times you can't help but think, "Yeah, I can see why he would be upset that the government is controlling his profit." That's partially where the mixed feelings come from.

Luckily, there's an actual plot to this book where Ayn Rand lays out her philosophy. The premise goes: What if all the presidents of major companies and corporations decided to go on strike?

There's Henry Rearden, a seemingly cold-harded a steel developer, Dagny Taggart, the pretty vice president of Taggart Transcontinental Railroad who runs the company better than the actual president, James Taggart, an older-looking man who prefers to stick to an unrealistic moral compass when making decisions that seem to drive the railroad to bankruptcy. Later, new socialist reforms start to cripple the companies' production, and when an economic slump comes around James, who supported the socialist government, begs Dagny and the "people of mind" to fix it. They say they can't until they are given the means to, ie, more freedom in their business. In retaliation to the socialist government stifling their business, telling them how much they are allowed to produce, by what means, and to whom they are permitted to sell their products, all the company owners leave and refuse to contribute to their businesses. The less-well-off people and the socialists go crazy, because now they don't know how to successfully run the businesses. Trains stop working, there is not enough electricity and raw materials being shipped out, poverty increases, and chaos in the government ensues.

In Defence of Femininity

Over the past few months, I've been examining myself and my identity as a woman. I've been looking at what I naturally value for myself, what modern culture expects from me, and what traditional values state. I'm a regular follower of the website Feelin' Feminine be it that I am not Christian or Jewish, and on the flip side I've watched videos by lacigreen and such on youtube for the opposite point of view, so I think I have a pretty good idea of both sides. I think I've got myself sorted out for the most part.

While, I'm not the most patriarchal person, because I've been given reason not to be, I do believe that men who actually do their job behaving like men and take on the responsibilities of men deserve to be recognized for their actions the same way women are emulated in the public world. I believe that if more positive messages were being given out to boys and men, telling them that being a man involves taking responsibility for women ei. not just sitting on the couch, possibly after a 9-5 workday, and demanding sex, then there would be less chaos in the private world. Reversely, I believe that women who "do too much", work a full day, take care of the kids, cook, clean, tend to their husband/boyfriend, aren't helping the situation either, because if they assume responsibility of everything, then the man isn't going to just suddenly becaume a chivalrous knight in shining armor for no reason.

I also support modesty rather than the "if you got it, flaunt it" mentality. Modesty makes me feel comfortable and secure in myself. It takes more than the right set of genitals to be a lady, and in the same way it takes more than a generous set of fabric over one's body to be modest. Modesty is more about drawing attention to oneself in a positive manner rather than a vulgar one. There is much more respect shown to a kind girl who can be percieved as beautiful without being outright sexual, rather than an outwardly confident and loud girl who makes use of nothing but her carnal appeal.

When it comes down to it, femininity is really a matter of perception. From every side of the spectrum, everyone's calling each other oppressed, overworked, undervalued, underappreciated, and asserting themselves sole as the "free" women of the world that don't face the plights that other women do. The best thing is to just evaluate the options, go with the most reasonable one, and ignore the backlash of different societies calling you crazy.

For the Love of Studying

I am a student and I can not stress enough on how much I love studying. The excitement of obtaining new information and solving problems brings great enjoyment into my life. There is so much class, so much wisdom and truth in knowledge, the thirst for it is insatiable.

But here is the clinch, I love studying, but I cannot say the same for school. In school my goal is not to learn and absorbe information, but to get enough points so that when the end of the quarter or semester comes around I have a black letter A for most of my classes and a GPA of at least 3.8 . That is the problem with school. The incentive is not to aquire information and skill, but to prove that you know. In this way I've made it through most of my math classes with an A or a B but I still can not do addition or subtraction confidently without a calculator. Yet, by looking at my record I can say that I am good at math. Great, isn't it?

I've wished so badly, ever since middle school that I could be homeschooled. I could go at my own pace for mathematics, have actual time to learn and memorize the processes and breeze through English and history class. It would be so much more effective and I think I would be better off, but my parents believe that doing that would make me more antisocial than I already am. I don't completely agree, but I can't change anything about it. When I grow up if I have children, I don't think I would have them go to public school for the entire K-12.

What I Want From Life

I know I'm a hard-core romantic. It's very sad.

I want a fairy-tale life, even though I know that will never happen. I know that I will most likely grow up, and have a 9-5 job in a medical field that will give me a stable income to live by.

What I want is a life on homestead-farm, wearing dresses while picking apples apples and planting tomatoes, watering roses, and in the evenings retiring to read the Qu'ran or Where Angels Fear to Tread. I would have a lovely, fit, husband with a well paying job, that loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life raising a family with me. Not to mention, he helps with household chores.

That's very unlikely, I realize that. I'm crazy and if I don't sober-up soon, I'm very likely not going to have anything in life. Reality is not a Jane Austen novel, no matter how much one tries to make it.

My parents are getting divorced. My dad is staying here on the weekends, until he gets stationed in his new, better paying job, and my mom has bought a townhouse for her, I, and, hopefully by this summer, my grandmother to live in. The relationship broke years ago. I will survive it, perhaps forget it in ten years time, my mother and grandmother will survive it, I'm not so sure about my dad, but he will have to live through it too.

That's reality.

Tess of the D'Ubervilles by Thomas Hardy

Forget Jane Austen's Elizabeth, Tess Durbeyfield is a proper herione, granted a tragic one.

This review is basically a summary of the book, and includes spoilers and mild sarcasm, just to let you know. What I liked about Tess is that she was very active and made decisions, even though her decisions were often not the best ones. Also, the only two men she got to know were scum.

Review starts here:

I loved this book. First thing, Thomas Hardy knows how to write. If no one else in the world knows how to write Thomas Hardy does.

Tess is one heroine you can feel sorry for. She is young, innocent, pure, naive, and apparently everyone can see it. Her father hangs on to his pride above all else and is convinced that he is a D'Uberville instead of a Durbeyfield, while her mother mistakes how naive she really is while sending her to "claim kin" where she me meets Alec D'Uberville who rapes her. She has his baby that dies soon after birth.

She goes away to become a milkmaid and meets the well-off Angel Clare who falls in love with her "purity", asks her to marry him when she says that she is not right for him, and keeps asking until she says yes. When her mother hears of the marriage she warns Tess not to tell Angel about the rape and baby, but Tess has so much faith in Angel that on their wedding night she tells him everything after he reveals his darkest secret. She forgives him, he says that she is now no longer the woman he fell in love with, and abandons her for over a year.

During that time she goes back to her parents to find that they are sick. Her dad dies and they are about to be evicted from their house. Tess meets Alec again, who is now a preacher, but he abandons his faith after meeting Tess again because she has tempted him like the Whore of Babylon. He says that he regrets the suffering he caused her and offers to give Tess and her family economic help. Tess tries to refuse and hold out for her "husband" but seeing no other option accepts his help and becomes his mistress.

Angel, who was on a soul searching trip in Brazil, decides that he has a conscious and comes looking for Tess. He finds her with Alec and begs her to come back to him. She says no, and tells him to go away. Then she is so distraught that she kills Alec for making fun of her marriage with Angel, goes back to Angel and gets arrested for Alec's murder at Stonehenge. She is convicted and sentenced to death.

All in all, pretty depressing towards the end.

This Is Why I Don't Like Jane Austen

I've recently finished reading Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen and I find myself filled with the same frustration I usually am after reading a Jane Austen romance. It's all the same: pretty girl finds guy who likes her. pretty girl marries that guy. story ends.

Funny that she never goes into describing their marriage. To be fair, I've only read three of her novels, Emma, Persuasion, and now, Northanger Abbey. I've found them equally useless, although I'll admit some more respect for Persuasion since the main character had actual obstacles, flaws, and actual characterization. I don't get how some women worship her and encourage their daughters to read her books as an example of romance and "courtship". As far as I see you might wanna you know, get to know your guy for over a year before tying the knot, making sure that he knows you so you can communicate in marriage, etc.

Here's the passage that got to me:

"The advantages of a beautiful girl have been already set forth by the capital pen of a sister author;-- and to her treatment of the subject I will only add injustice to men, that though to the larger and more trifling part of the sex, imbecility in females is a great enhancement of their personal charms, there is a portion of them too reasonable and too well-informed themselves to desire any thing more in woman than ignorance. But Catherine did not know her own advantages--did not know that a good-looking girl, with an affectionate heart and a very ignorant mind, cannot fail of attracting a clever young man, unless circumstances are particularly untoward." (pg 118 on nook barnes and noble classics edition)

This makes me angry. It's more jealousy than anything else. In some points, this is true, don't most girls mourn the fact that all the good guys are dating idiotic, giggling, sluts who wear too much makeup and too little clothing? I'll confess that I have been guilty at one time or the other at trying to woo a guy by smiling and pretending I don't know anything but from what I noticed I put him off more than attracted him (good for him). Maybe that just says something on my ineptitude at flirting?

New Piano!

To be honest, this happened about a month ago, but I've been really lazy about taking the photos. Sorry!

I've been playing piano for eight years, but my family has never got around to actually buying a piano until now and it's definitely worth the wait. It's a refurbished 1970s Baldwin upright that produces the same sound as a baby grand. My piano teacher recommended a lady to us who used to own a piano store but is now retired and she had just one piano left that she couldn't manage to find a buyer for. It was in excellent condition and for a really good price, $2000 unlike the regular $7000 that we would find elsewhere. She also arranged for the piano mover and the tuner, who was a really nice guy. I'm really happy because now I can play whenever I want on a real piano without asking my mom to drive me to a friend's house or asking my teacher if I can stay a bit longer on her piano.

Goals for the Coming School Year

Well, it's almost that time of year again :-)

I'm entering my second year of high school. I have no problems with it and I'm expecting it to be more comfortable than last year First semester freshman year coming from a choice school was not fun. I did pretty well excluding geometry, an incompitent music teacher, and an astronomy teacher that I did not understand, but I regret not puting in my full effort in his class now. My primary objective this year is to get straight As and exceed in all my classes. I'm in all honors except for Phy ed (a useless waste of time if you ask me) and possibly Human Anatomy. I did pretty well last year in except for geometry where I got straight Bs.

My goals for the coming year that lead to my primary objective are to:

1. Use my time more efficiently. Do homework right after school and procrastinate on the internet and listening to music less often.

2. Be in bed around 10-11 and for certain before midnight. I hope this will help me wake up more easily and not sleep through my alarm. lol.

3. Continue helping my mother around the house as much as I have been doing over the summer.

4. Read more books and less fanfiction and manga. I really hate what fanfiction has been doing to my psyche, it's like going to a crude bar with bad food, drink, and company.

Happy school year to everyone else out in internet-land.

Rudeness

Have you ever met people that were good, honest people at heart but were just plain rude. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive (I know I am) but that's just one characteristic in people that I simply can't put up with.

A few weeks ago I was at a restaurant with my mom and two other men that she helped out a few years back. My mother has recently lost a significant amount of weight since they had last seen her and she was being complimented on it. That's all well and good. Jokingly my mother mentioned that she could now fit into all of my clothes and how much I hated it when she would wear my clothes (True, I'm sorry but are Abercrombie tanks really fit for women over twenty?)

Then things took a turn when one of the men mentioned that "Pretty soon her clothes are going to be too big for you!" then he told me outright that I should go on a diet as well. In those words "You should go on a diet."

Excuse me?

Are you kidding me? You are telling me, a size 4, 130 pound girl that I need to go on a diet because my mom just lost the overdue pregnancy fat? I understand that there is a time where one needs to laugh it off, which I did do in that situation, but that sort of thing just immediately put me off. Later when I was ordering the shrimp, he mentioned that he wouldn't eat it because it was very fattening. My mother was very put off as well and laughed and said that I was perfect, I don't need to loose weight (Which I don't).

Now, these are good guys: they payed for our meals, they've driven me to my extracurricular activities when my parents couldn't, so I don't think the meant any harm. The only problem is that they are just so rude. People like that make me sick to my stomach.

Reader's Journal

Title: Le Miserables
Author: Victor Hugo

Why I Decided to Read this Book: It looked interesting and pretty big, and my mom said I would be able to relate to it more than Dostoevsky.

Plot: It spans about a generation and a half, the main story is mostly about Marius and Cosette and how they're trying to be together, but the orchestrator of the whole book is Jean Valjean who rescues both Cosette and Marius at some point, Cosette because he made a promise to her dying mother, and Marius because he was going to get himself killed in the French Revolution.

Themes: Hugo was very active in standing up for the poor and abandoned. He said that it is the fault of the masters and people in power when the poor and weak are suffering. (paraphrased) Le Miserables means misery in French so a lot of the book does cover the number of miseries people go through, but there is also redemption, mainly the redemption of Jean Valjean who is often likened to Christ throughout the novel. Hugo also talks politically about the French Revolution.

Recommendation: For everyone that loves to think, it isn't all that sad, and makes you appreciate what you have to an extent.

Dissapointment

Ugh...

I've been trying not to get too down about it, but still, I can only write about this fairly objectively after a few days. So far in the space of a week I've been yelled at for spilling things more than usual, been forbidden from taking my permit test because the picture on my green card is from before I was 14 years old and now there's the choice of going to INS or the embassy in Chicago to get something fixed, Applebee's was a really big letdown after that (Panera all the way), and my school won't let me take all the courses that I want (so much for education).



The thing I hate the most is when I'm being prevented from reaching my full potential as a person for no reason. The purpose of school is to help children reach their full potential as law-abiding adults. It's a shame the American public school system doesn't do that anymore.

Speaking of the USA's detriments, here's the number one: immigration. Now, I'm legal. I'm not Hispanic either. And the photo on my green card was taken when I was eleven. I am now fifteen, I have never dyed my hair or worn makeup. It's quite clear that the photo on there is a photo of me! I do not get why the stupid lady in the DMV kept insisting that she couldn't let me take the test because "the photo of me is too young." I did not tell her this, she purposefully looked up the date it was taken and called my mom over to tell her that I have to go to INS so they can either take a new photo or put a sticker on the back verifying that it has been updated and yes, the photo is of me. So much for "give us your sick, your poor,..."

Why?

I really don't get it.
Shows like America's Got Talent, Hell's Kitchen, X-Factor, etc, why are they so popular. They have an indiscriminately negative effect on all pop culture and whatever mediocrity of genuine talent, intelligence, and good character that happens to stumble upon these consumer-driven wastelands is killed off while mindlessness is honored.

In fact, I don't even know how they get their auditions. After watching the show for half an hour who would want to be associated with it? Sure, there is the one in a hundred million chance of being a Susan Boyle, but apart from that they encourage the decline of class, manners, courtesy, and general work.

Fame comes from being recognized for achievement, charisma, genius, and luck. It requires years of hard work for those who earn it and isn't a "fair" shot that can be brought upon by an audition or an application. What is being popularized on these television shows a fantasized notion of celebrity. Why are these people the people this culture is paying attention to? What is so remarkably fascinating about them to begin with. Some do have a knack for playing pretend and some have been genuinely or artificially blessed with faces and bodies that look well after a couple layers of makeup and a couple hours of photoshop, but after that what is there of substance? Why aren't surgeons, volunteers, nurses, priests, engineers, teachers, people doing things that help the lives of people and help propel the great age we live in into greater success being honored with the same sort of fanaticism being allotted to Beyonce or Justin Beiber?

Summer is the greatest relief in the world after a school year of pressure and uncertainty. The last of finals is tommorow, but after that I can let go and relax. Truth be told, I love school; I love learning new information and meeting people that I like talking to, but I also put myself in such stress that my shoulders and arms physically hurt.
Now I can finally find the time to finish tasks I've been putting off since school and challenge myself to mantain a productive schedule without the structure of a six-and-a-half hour day. I severely don't want to waste my day in front of a computer, a telivision, or a plate of food.
On the musical side of things Debussy's Deux Arabesques while being one of the most beautiful compositions in the world has the toughest rythem I've ever played! It's true, the saying that the greatest challenges reap the best reward because the measures that are three against two are near impossible for me to play correctly.
Schumann's Traumerie is a magnificent touching work, it's slow and requires a lot of emotion. Playing it mechanically with only conventional precision would be bastardizing, you really need to put a lot of heart into it.
My favorite "easier piece" that I'm working on is Bethoven's Moonlight Sonata, 1st Movement which is one of my all-time favorite pieces to listen to. It just puts me in a contemplative, peaceful, yet energetic mode.